I am Your Infections

I am Your Infections

your_infections

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(Infect)

Song of the Month #4 [20 Jun 2006|09:51pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

A perfect circle
3 Libras

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all

(1 Treatments Infect)

What is Going on In my world.... [14 Jun 2006|11:55pm]

[ mood | drained ]

[ music | Skold - Void ]

Last Week and Weekend Was pretty interesting.

On Wednesday I hung-out with Jenner, Craig, and Brent.
We had a cookout and it was pretty fun and I ended up staying the night there.
Craig said that he would bring me to my Doctor Appt. on Thursday, so yah.
When I went to the doctor I talked to them about how i have been Depressed and been very Angry and just Stressed out.
So They gave me a month supply of Zoloft and they also wanted to take some of my Blood just to check for anything abnormal. So far and can see a small change in my attitude, I've been a much happier person the last few days. So that good. This weekend went by pretty good too. Tony left for new York last weekend, so we won't be seein him for two weeks, Also Chuck came home on sunday. That Was Awesome, I really did miss him. Sunday was also the ECW:One Night Stand PPV, and I go totally wasted. I mean I don't remember half the night I totally blacked out. I think its sort of funny but, yeah..I think I might take an easy for now on, at least for alittle bit. The next day really sucked cause I had the wrost hang-over ever.
Anyways..Tuesday was Ryan and Mines 1 Year 2 Month Anniversary, We ended up going down to Milwaukee to see Rasputina and Les Claypool. The show was pretty awesome, We got to meet the lead singer of Rasputina she is pretty cool.

Then I had to head home cause My Dad and tammy are gonna be gone for a few days Camping so Nick(step bro)and Katie(nicks GF)and I have to take care of things while they are gone. Nick is making such a mess and for some reason I keep picking up after him. I just feel that if hes not gonna do it that someone should and its always me. Oh Well! Nick also has his friend Scott over, Well I guess you can say hes my friend too. Anyways.. Its sort of nice to have other people around to help out alittle bit.

Well Im gonna get going!
Later!

(4 Treatments Infect)

hehehehehe. [18 May 2006|02:27pm]

[ mood | amused ]

[ music | 30 seconds to mare - buddah for mary ]

Its been awhile since I last wrote in here.

Well I guess I could tell you what have been going on lately.

Well first off last night I hung-out with Barry. It has been awhile and it was sort of odd, but I didn't mind that. I just sort of felt nice to be around a guy that makes me feel good about myself. We ended up going over to Craig and Jen's house and hanging out for awhile. Craig kept on saying shit like he always does and then Brent came over and was ripping on barry and I, but I thought it was funny. barry is a really cool guy, I sort of feel bad for breaking up with him awhile back. Its also funny how like three guys were practically hitting on me all at the same time, but yeah..they all have girlfriends too. So I wouldn't do shit with any of them.

Well anyways. Ryan and I haven't been getting along to well but, we are trying to work on that. I really hope things get better or I don't think that we will make it throught the summer.

Well I have to go.

Write more later

(Infect)

Song of the Month #3 [18 May 2006|02:23pm]

[ mood | awake ]

[ music | Hinder - Lips of an angle ]

DOCTOR ONLINE
Zeromancer

It's the beginning of the end
You want things to go faster
It's the beginning of the end
Now everything's too slow for you
It's the beginning of the end
You are one step closer
It's the beginning of the end
Say Amen

1-800-SUICIDE
Or maybe Doctor Online could help you die
You need wings to fly
You need someone
To take your place
When you are gone

Is the beginning of the end
You know nothing last forever
A beginning of a trend
You need someone there to care for you
Is the beginning of the end
I don't think you understand
Just a beginning of a flatline
Together

(1 Treatments Infect)

Is there anybodie out there? [25 Apr 2006|03:40pm]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Does Anybody even read my journal?

Cause if nobodie is even reading it then what is the point of even having one.
I only did this so that people who would like to know what I am up to and those who really want to know who I am, my problem, my likes and dislikes, and things that make me the person I am today can know the truth and know my pain.

You may not think that it is that important, but to me right now knowing that I have friends out there that care about me would help alot. I am going through so much pain and so much misery and to feel like I have no one to turn to kills me more then anything. I hate saying this, But I really need to know who cares and who doesn't care. I don't want to feel this emptyness inside anymore, I don't want to feel as though I have no friends and that I have no one that I can turn to when I am feeling down.

I have lived my life with barely any friends, cause everyone always judged me before they even knew who I was inside. I hate it when people do that, and I hate it that apperance has to be everything.

Im sorry.

Im just in a really rough place right now.

(Infect)

Song of the Month #2 [19 Apr 2006|04:01pm]

[ mood | horny ]

[ music | Dope - Easier ]

Dope

"I Am"

Sometimes you don't understand
Sometimes I am what I am
Sometimes I just can't be
Everything you hoped I'd be
And sometimes I wish that you could see

I'm not like you I'm not like them
I won't pretend

Cause
I am what I am

Sometimes I wish that we
Could agree to disagree
Sometimes I wish that you could see what I see
This is who I am
I've always been
And I don't think you'll ever understand

Fuck you I am what I am

You don't understand
I am what I am
And I don't think you'll ever understand

Fuck you I am what I am

(Infect)

rolling... [19 Apr 2006|03:56pm]

[ mood | horny ]

[ music | Dope - I am ]

I really want to roll again.
But everytime I get a chance to some shit comes up and we get fucked.
That totally sucks balls.

I think that if I had money all the time that I'd be addicted to rolling.
I say that cause it is such a wonderful feeling and to be able to talk to ryan on a serious note is important to me and at times when I roll its so much easier for me to do cause I'm not afraid to be open with people and I tell them exactly how I feel. Also I just have lots of fun and it gets you really fuckin' horny.

lol.

(Infect)

Weeee! [05 Apr 2006|03:00pm]

[ mood | excited ]

Well today Ryan and I are going to perkins.
I love perkins, fod is always so gooooooood.

I'm not sure what else we are doing, But I hope its something fun or interesting.
Probably just end up hanging out at Tony's house and get high and watch TV. I must say that gets alittle boring after awhile, I guess that I just like to do alittle more then just sitting on my ass all day. I like to have fun and go be active every once in awhile. Plus I really want to loose a few pounds and sitting on my ass isn't gonna help me do that.

Oh well, what am I gonna do about it anyways..NOTHING!

Well I should really call Ryan and see if he's ready yet.

ttyl.

p.S.-
Oh yeah..My one year Anniversery is coming up soon. April 13...I can't wait, I really want to do something specail, but I don't know what I should do.

(Infect)

My Feelings about Ryan and I [04 Apr 2006|10:14pm]

[ mood | drained ]

Hey.

How is everyone today.
Im doing pretty good.
I wish everything could be better but I doubt it's gonna happen.
I'm home for the night cause I needed to get some stuff done today around the house.
Ryan is off hanging out with his friends having a fun time getting higher then a kite.
I really wish I could get high, but thats not gonna happen here.

Anyways...

Things between Ryan and I are alittle sketchy right now. I really don't know what to think anymore, I really just want everything to be fine and have Ryan trust me. I'm not going to do anything behind his back anymore, I would never cheat on him, and never lie to him. I really don't need to feel the pain that I feel inside anymore. I also don't want to hurt Ryan anymore. Last week he almost left me cause I was dumb and went online behind his back and I lied about it too. I feel like shit and I really didn't deserve to be given a second chance that his gave me and that he keeps giving me.

I guess i really just don't know how to feel anymore, I'm just happy that he did forgive and I hope he can just forget about it and we can be happy together again. I really don't know why he always deals with all my shit. He never just says fuck it and walks away. I must say I do think that he is a really sweet and caring guy to just drop everything that he is feeling to just give me a second chance, Cause he loves me and he knows that deep inside my heart and my soul that I do want things to get better and that I do want to change my attitude.

I really don't want to ruin what Ryan and I have together. Hes my best friend and he's my lover. I love him so much that if he was to leave me that I wouldn't know what to do. I'd be so fucking depressed and so heart-broken that I wouldne't want to talk to anybody for awhile. I don't want to do that but I know that that's what would happen.

I really do need Ryan more then he needs me. I need someone to help get through life, I really don't like myself for doing that but its the truth, and I need to realize that someday Ryan is just gonna be sick of me and just walk away, and I have to deal with that.

Well I think I am done talking about that for today.

Farewell to you all.

(2 Treatments Infect)

:) [29 Mar 2006|12:52am]

[ mood | cold ]

[ music | Rob Zombie - foxy foxy ]

Well this weekend went by very well.
At least better then I thought it would be.

Alisha and I got along pretty well.
She liked me and I liked her and hopefully it stays that way, for Ryan's sake.
I know that he is happy that Alisha and him are talking again.
If he's happy I guess I'm happy too.

Well on another note Ryan and I got bored yesterday and got these pills from a friend of ours.
It was called stratra, its for A.D.H.D. ( think thats what its called ). Anways we got some and
we decided to snort it. That was a bad idea, my nose fucking burned so fucking much. I felt as though
I was dying. After that we put Ryan's Home Theater System together in his basement. It was kind of awesome to get that done.

Ryan went in today to get his tattoo colored in. It looks really fucking awesome. It didn't get quite done, but hes gonna be going back in to finish it in a couple of weeks. I really love it. I can't wait to get one. I have all these idea's in my head that I just really want to put on my skin. I really can't wait.

I guess I'll have to show you my idea's at some point.

I really missed typing on here.

Invalid video URL.

(Infect)

Song of The Month #1 [24 Mar 2006|04:16pm]

[ mood | okay ]

[ music | NIN - Right Where it Belongs ]

I thought that I would bring this back.
I always enjoyed it.

NINE INCH NAILS

"Right Where It Belongs"

See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

[Chorus:]
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

[Chorus:]
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

(Infect)

-sigh- [24 Mar 2006|03:31pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

[ music | None ]

I really hope that weekend goes good.
I also hope that I can show ryan that I can be nice peson and be respectful to him.
I hope that he gives me that same respect back.

I love Ryan s much and I hate that we are going through this right now.
It makes me so confused and so angry at myself that it is driving us both apart.
Why am I doing this to myself and to him?
I have no idea, I no longer understand myself anymore.

Anyways.
Ryan is gonna be bringing over to his friend Alisha's house on Saturday.
I really hope that she is nice and doesn't make me feel unwanted, Cause that wouldn't be all that nice.
I also promised ryan that I would change my attitude, which sort of goes along with me being a nicer person.

Well all I can say is that I hope this weekend goes by very well.

(2 Treatments Infect)

The New Me [24 Mar 2006|03:00am]

[ mood | blah ]

[ music | Motorgrater - No name ]

Well in case you were wondering what I look like now.

I have grown my hair out alittle bit, but I am thiking about cutting it again.
I really do not like my hair long.
:).

Also I am in a relationship.
We have been together for almost a year.
His name is Ryan and he is my best friend Ryan (AKA Pogo)
I love him dearly and I am hoping that all the drama gets settled.

Well anyways..Im gonna get going.

Good Night :).

(Infect)

[24 Mar 2006|02:37am]

[ mood | blah ]

[ music | Kill Hannah - kennedy ]

Hello. Its be Steavie. My other LJ is dirtyneedles01_ I have abondoned that name and made a new live journal. Hopefully a much better one. :). Well Im gonna go to work on making it awesome. be back later. -Steavie

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